The One That Got Away

We talk a lot about “the one that got away” when it comes to romantic relationships.

But what about friendships?

Terry and I started talking about this recently, and it turned into a much bigger conversation than either of us expected.

Because we’ve both had people in our lives who once felt incredibly important. People who knew us during certain chapters, believed in us, challenged us, made us feel safe or simply became part of our everyday lives.

And then, somehow, they weren’t anymore.

Sometimes there’s a big ending. But sometimes there isn’t.

No huge fight. No betrayal. No dramatic goodbye.

Life changes. People change. Relationships change.

And years later, you can still find yourself thinking about that person.

We realized that sometimes you’re not only missing the friendship. You’re thinking about the version of yourself that existed when that person knew you.

And that gets especially complicated when the last version of you they knew wasn’t your best one.

Maybe you were struggling. Insecure. In survival mode. Maybe you pushed someone away who was actually good for you. Maybe you handled something in a way that the person you are today wouldn’t.

There’s this strange desire to want them to know:

I’m different now.

I grew up.

I figured some things out.

I wish you knew me now.

But Terry and I kept coming back to the same question:

Do they actually need to?

Maybe closure isn’t always getting another conversation.

Maybe it isn’t explaining yourself perfectly, getting the apology, hearing their side or proving that you’ve changed.

Sometimes closure might simply be accepting that someone was incredibly important to your life, even if they aren’t meant to be part of it anymore.

You can miss someone without needing them back.

You can regret how something ended without needing to rewrite it.

You can love what a friendship was and still respect the lives, relationships and boundaries that exist today.

And maybe one of the hardest parts of growing is realizing that not everyone who helped shape you gets to meet every version of you.

Some people knew us then.

Some people know us now.

Some will somehow be there for both.

They all leave something behind.

And maybe the goal isn’t always to get the one who got away back.

Maybe it’s being grateful they were ever there at all.